Many people believe that every person should seek a single soulmate, apart from whom they should need no one else. Many others believe that each person should have only one romantic partner, at least at one time. But others don’t think that a single individual can fulfill all of their relationship needs, and therefore they prefer having many partners.
Multiple intimate relationships, whether romantic or sexual, with full knowledge and consent of all individuals involved is a practice known as consensual nonmonogamy, or polyamory. An individual can be polyamorous with more than one partner of any gender; it is typically not gender-specific.
A consensually nonmonogamous relationship has been experienced by at least one in five Americans at some point in their life, and roughly one in twenty are currently in one. An increasing amount of evidence indicates that individuals in these kinds of relationships perceive their relationships to be just as fulfilling and rewarding as those in marriage, and they also experience an equal amount of enjoyment from them. However, there are significant obstacles as well: Clear limits, mutual respect, communication skills, openness, permission, and trust are all necessary in polyamorous partnerships. In addition to arguments over childrearing, jealousy can also cause feelings to surface, particularly when a new partner enters the picture.
What Is Polyamory?
Polyamory is distinct from other forms of open relationships, such as swinging—which involves couples having casual sex outside of the relationship, without any emotional attachment. It is often confused with polygamy, or being married to more than one person at the same time, but they are very different. Polygamy specifically involves marriage to multiple people of the opposite gender — most frequently, a man having multiple wives — while polyamory, although it often involves married partners, describes a wider range of relationships, both heterosexual and LBGT.
Due to the stigma that it often attracts, polyamory is often practiced privately and may be kept secret even from close friends and family. At least one in four polyamorous individuals have experienced discrimination, according to the non-profit organization Loving More.
How Does Polyamory Work?
Some polyamorous people have a primary relationship and engage in casual hookups, but most begin secondary relationships with the consent of their primary partner, to whom they are generally married or committed. Introducing a secondary partner requires the primary couple to agree on a set of stipulations, such as date times and the type of intimacy allowed. Research has found that, despite the complications, polyamory offers benefits ranging from greater satisfaction and extra help with child care to increased relationship commitment.
The Benefits and Struggles of Polyamory
The reason why polyamorous relationships are not as common as others is not that people find them unappealing; interest in polyamory is in fact rising, and research on polyamorous partners finds them to be, on average, as least as satisfied with their relationships as others. But polyamorous relationships are highly challenging to construct and maintain. Simply finding a partner willing to enter a relationship with the same honesty and ground rules is difficult, especially in a culture that favors serial monogamy, and mismatched desire for polyamory also upends many partners, especially if one sees it as a lifestyle while the other perceives it as their sexual orientation. For this reason, communities arise in which those who are “poly” can meet, often initially online.
